I have much that I want to say and should say and could say, but for now, all I’ve got is one simple word: gratitude.
I am so thankful to Richard and all of his team who not only chose me to be a part of this experience, but made it such a fun one. I am thankful to have gotten to work with the cast and make so many new friendships. It is rare to make so many new friends in such a short stint of time once you reach a certain age, but this experience really was like no other. I am thankful to my body, which although is very sore today, reminded me just how strong and powerful it can be when I show it the right amount of love. My endurance is up and I feel like I am in my twenties again. I have lost over 40 pounds and it takes a lot more than stairs and Aretha Franklin’s Think to make me winded. And most of all, I am thankful for my friends. From Shannon’s flowers to all of the notes and sincere smiles I have received over the last 6 weeks congratulating me and supporting me, I’ve danced every step to make you proud. The DVD will be out in December. We shoot the infomercial tomorrow. In just a few months I will be sweating with you in your living rooms. It is unbelievable and I am grateful.
Thank you everyone for sharing this extraordinary experience with me.
I’m off to get a massage.
Good morning Baubles!
That is the name a listener called in and declared as the new name for people who follow or listen to my stories. I like it because instead of ‘fans, peeps or followers, it represents how I’d actually prefer to think of the kind people taking the time to pay attention to my journey- precious jewels!
I know its been awhile since I’ve checked in and truth is, I’ve felt the pressure. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity!
For starters, if you haven’t heard, I was in fact chosen to be one of the back up dancers in Richard Simmons new DVD Sweatin’ to the Oldies 5. I’m over the moon. If you recall, it was on my goal list just to audition. Well I pushed right through that goal and took it to the next level. Another great lesson: never stop pushing.
This has lead me to a new goal. Now this isn’t an overnight thing so don’t expect to suit up for my class tomorrow, but I am looking into becoming a certified aerobics instructor. I think it would be awesome to teach a class or two a week that motivates and inspires people, keeping me motivated and inspired at the same time. I love that life keeps presenting new views when I take the time to look beyond my current environment and survey the entire landscape.
A big item that has been on my to do list was to officiate my little sister’s wedding. I’m honored to say I can cross that one off my list. She was a beautiful bride (pics soon) and I made it through my ceremony without anyone dozing off or stumbling over my words. It truly is one of the great privileges of my life.
Also listed on my goal sheet was to relaunch The Baub Show. Well I did. And you know what? I originally did it shyly and with borderline embarrassment. But after a beautiful heart to heart with my friend Shannon I realized if I don’t have pride and confidence in my show, why should anyone else care? So I inhaled deeply and started talking about my show with pride and you know what? It’s totally taking off. Each week I’m gathering more and more listeners and the feedback has been overwhelmingly kind. This last week Melissa Peterman and Joanna Garcia from the show Reba called in as my guests and we reached almost one thousand listeners during our live broadcast! We are only in our tenth week. This week my friends Lance Bass and Wendy Thorlakson are on the show and I’m looking forward to beating my personal best!
Then there’s the support. My friend Phil has been so supportive in helping me find a new platform to host the show as well as recommending the right equipment to make it sound better. My Aunt Heidi made no hesitation when I cashed in my birthday request for said equipment. To them both I’m incredibly grateful because in spite of some technical glitches this week was the best yet! And if all that weren’t enough, people have been contacting ME about being guests on my show. Do you know how good that feels?
With all of this, there’s something I need to stay focused on; me and my health. I’m writing this post on my phone from the Starbucks near Jenny Craig. Restarting my Sunday routine I had come to enjoy, but had put on hold after moving my weigh-ins to Thursdays to accommodate my busy travel schedule of the last month.
I’ve had Jenny on pause for the last two weeks as I traveled and ran around. I didn’t lose any weight, but the great news: I didn’t gain any weight. I’ve spent the last two weeks dancing and celebrating and I didn’t over indulge. I’m at 317 and counting. It means those 30 pounds are gone and not coming back. The gloves are back on, I’m feeling re-calibrated and ready to tackle the next 30.
My friend Sara and I are heading to the farmer’s market to reap the bounty of living in beautiful California and I’m wishing everyone reading this a magnificent Sunday and a re-calibrated and wonderful week ahead!
I am currently in the middle of my eleventh week.
As of this morning, the scale reads 315 pounds.
That means I have lost 32 pounds.
This is no small feat. And yet, this was the dialogue that has been playing in my brain these last few days, suddenly as if there are two of me inmy own head.
“How did you let yourself get to 347 in the first place?”
To which I have to constantly remind myself, “it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are taking care of it and you should feel accomplished for finally passing the 30 pound mark.”
“But 30 pounds would’ve been significant back when I fretted about being 270!”
“And someday soon, you will get there again. But you must keep moving and thinking forward. You need to stop thinking about what once was and stop living by the failures or successes of your past. Be present in your current achievements that will yield future success.”
It takes a lot to shut my mind up, but I am glad the other side of my brain has finally found a way.
How are your numbers?
How are your goals?
It’s been almost three months since I started my sharing and many of you joined me. If you’ve fallen or stumbled, stand back up and get moving. If you haven’t met any of your goals, go look at them again and see if there is one that you can start to make happen.
We can all do this!
Today, I will be checking off one more goal as accomplished: auditioning for Sweating To The Oldies 5. There are only 16 spots and as badly as I want it, I am just excited to say I auditioned. Of course I will be even more excited if I ever get to say, “Meet me at Best Buy and I will sign your copy!” Kidding. Kind of.
They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Facing my inevitable birthday in the next few weeks, I find myself learning a lot lately and I am taking this as a sign that I am still not yet old.
At seventeen, I knew that I knew everything. Didn’t we all? At twenty-one, I still knew it all, I was just growing more wise. Around twenty-five, I began scratching my head. At twenty-seven, all I could think was, “what the fuck”? By twenty-nine, I thought I knew nothing, which in reality meant I finally knew enough. Enough to ground me soundly into my thirties where my thirst for learning about myself had been quenched, and all that was left to discover was the meaning of life. Or so I thought.
I find myself here at thirty-four full of knowledge and dare I say, “some wisdom”. I also find myself learning a lot of big ticket items about myself at a time I thought I was done learning and just sort of aging. I mean, I can meet someone at a party and know everything about them and their personality after about four hours. After 34 years with myself, what could I possibly have left to learn about Me? A lot, but at least I am gaining more clarity each day.
What on Earth am I getting at?
That was my long winded way of saying I’ve been having a lot of “aha” moments lately and I am getting ready to share my latest with you right now. I want to explain (in my personal opinion), why, for the first time ever, I am feeling not only confident that I am going to, and am in fact, taking better care of my body and I am not doing it begrudgingly or with torture to myself.
When we have a large amount of weight to lose, it becomes this big number in our mind. Let’s say we have 100 pounds to lose. Next you have to divide that into how many months you think it would take to lose. To do it healthy, you’re looking at a minimum of 9 months. Off the bat, we’ve set ourselves up with two dauntingly ominous numbers. But we’ve reached a breaking point and find strength to drudge forth and commit to beating those numbers. We put ourselves on some sort of plan, herein referred to as a diet.
Next, think of how good we are with managing our time and prioritizing projects. We know that if we have a major project to do, we know how much we need to get done immediately, how much we need to do along the way, and how much cramming we will do towards the end. That is just the way our brains are programmed.
Applying this rationale to our dieting goals, you can quickly see how we set ourselves up to fail. We start out really strong, but the second a small temptation presents itself (a cheat), it becomes really easy to say yes. Not because we aren’t strong or full of will power (which is how we have always viewed it), but instead we have this weird invisible thought that says, “well, I have 9 months to take the weight off, so this one cheat won’t matter. I have plenty of time to get this project done, er… to take this weight off, so I will go to that Bikram class or that aerobics class or the gym next week. We treat dieting like a project that we can accomplish at the end if we just cram properly. One cheat or excuse or justification easily slips into another cheat and suddenly, we’ve given up and slip into the familiar “why bother”? Then the punch in the stomach happens. That red circle we forgot we drew on our calendar and wrote, “congratulations on reaching your goals!” arrives. We look in the mirror and we are fatter than we were when we started and now psychologically we feel worse than we did nine months ago. What’s the best way to handle this type of depression? More eating and hybernating of course! Does any of this sound familiar?
Finally, my “aha” moment I promised:
I hit my personal rock bottom. I couldn’t find any motivation or inspiration, even though if I were to count my blessings and look back on my journey, things were going very well for me and that should’ve been inspiration enough. But it wasn’t. I remembered visiting Kristie Alley’s house with a friend a few years ago. He was staying with her and all of the cupboards were filled with Jenny Craig food. I will always remember him saying, “we eat all of the time, but you can’t help but lose weight!” I knew if it worked for Kristie, it would have to work for me. I was out of options.
While I did it for the obvious reasons, there has been one unexpected lesson that has come out of it and is helping me to win. Remember those ominously daunting numbers I referred to above? They have suddenly been divided by 52. Once a week, I go to my weigh-in and the days in between, I find myself making completely different decisions. My weekly goal is between 3 and 4 pounds in 7 days instead of 140 pounds in the next year. If I want to lose 4 pounds by Sunday I am conscious of what I am putting in my mouth. Four pounds is attainable! When I am seeing that I am not quite there, suddenly I am WANTING to go take a Bikram class today or go to the gym today or drive to Slimmons today without dragging my feet or putting it off until next week. I’ve given “Project Me” a weekly deadline and it is making all the difference in the world, because the competitor in me likes to meet my deadlines, or at least give it my all trying.
Here’s where it gets crazier…
It is bleeding into my personality. I am HAPPY. I am getting happier every day. Because pyschologically, I am doing right by me. I am acheiving goals. I am making this happen. It is EMPOWERING. I urge anyone who is reading this and feeling the pangs of what I was talking about above to find someone or something or some way to check in with each week. Whether it be Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers or even a spouse that you get on a scale in front of at the same time each week, I PROMISE you this makes a difference. I had always known this, but by never truly applying it, I never grasped it’s full effect and I am only sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.
I really want this for myself and I really want this for you if you are feeling the same. I’d love to see us all at the finish line a whole lot healthier and full of life!
I’ve inadvertently developed a new tradition. Every Sunday, after my weigh-in, I walk over to the Starbucks, order an Americano and type a blog from my cell phone. I can’t explain it, but it makes me happy.
Today I thought I wouldn’t and shouldn’t be doing it. I have people expecting me places and running around to do. That’s also what helped me realize that this 15 minutes I’m taking for myself is that much more important.
My weigh-in went well. I lost over a pound and a half but not quite two pounds. My consultant said that was normal since I had such a big drop last week. Personally I’m thrilled I lost anything at all. This was a tough week.
I get that June gloom happens every year, but I don’t ever remember it raining! I’d be lying if I said the gray clouds weren’t affecting me. Richard you may notice is popping up on various TV shows this week that are taped in New York, so he only taught on Tuesday and that was the extent of my working out. The gloom has left me wanting to snuggle up in warm cotton and watch TV. I haven’t, but I also haven’t pushed myself out the door to do anything else.
Despite all of this, I’m still feeling happy and accomplished. I think of how I’d be doing through all of this gloom if I weren’t in my present state of mind. I’d in fact be wrapped up in cotton, watching TV, eating out of control and ultimately wallowing and feeling horrible about myself once the sun returns. I’m happy to not be that person right now. I’m feeling an accomplishment that I am smiling right now and eating healthy under a gray heavy sky. I’m happy that I’m making myself a priority right now so that I can be that much more present for everyone who needs me this afternoon. I’m confident that I’m going to have a great week, have some great exercise sessions and eat healthy and delicious food.
I am thankful for all of you that read my last post and who have shared yourselves so generously with your comments.
What are some routines you have for yourself that make you happy? I hope you take the time today and this week to do them for yourself.
sent through digital vibrations from my cell phone.
I can’t believe I haven’t blogged since Sunday! You’d never know it, but I have so much to say!
I’m finding myself full of gratitude these days. I’m so thankful for the love and support I get from my friends. People don’t realize it, but I grew up shy, awkward and fairly friendless. That all changed in my last few years of High School and I’ve never taken any of it for granted.
This week in particular, I’m feeling my friends showing up for me and it is a reminder of just how fortunate I am. Tuesday I premiered my brand new radio program, The Baub Show. Not only did I have great friends show up on the air with me, but many listened along and participated. On top of that, every person I’ve asked to be a part of it has said yes without hesitation.
Asking your friends for anything, especially to show up for you, is not always an easy thing. It leaves you exposed and vulnerable, which is why when they say, “yes”, your heart is already open and receives the love so much more fully.
I talked on the show about living life with more intention and asking the universe for what I want. This is a theme that has been popping up for me lately and I thought I was participating better in it. It wasn’t until my friend Jo reminded me that the universe is listening and I need to stay responsible with my words.
I could hear the vibration of that comment loudly in my ears when I found myself talking about my radio show with friends. I’ve shyly promoted it and brushed it off as a “hobby”. In my mind I had decided I’d wait for it to be a success before I took pride in it and properly promoted it. How backwards is that?
I also found myself doing this when I first drove myself to Jenny Craig. No one, not even my supportive better half, knew that I was going to do it. The internal pressure I had put on myself would’ve crushed me if I had failed not only myself, but my friends who’s support I rely on.
But since my first LH2.0 post, my friends have been nothing short of supportive and some even inspired. Not one has brought up my diet failures of the past or the wagons I’ve fallen off. Instead, they are right there in the wings cheering me on and filling my heart with warm light that’s helping to keep me on track.
I decided last weekend that my radio show and anything else I set out to do will also be shared confidently and pridefully with everyone I know and most especially with the universe. I will also walk more confidently in my body that has grown stronger with each workout these last few weeks.
I will show and feel more gratitude for my friends and my body and my life. I will continue my evolution and hold my head with pride. I will host my radio show and not think it silly, but a stepping stone to help Ryan Seacrest with some of his workload. I will imagine myself in a sexy photo shoot in a thinner, healthier body that show cases all of my angles and sides and not just my face. I will not take for granted or disconnect or sleep away anymore years of my life.
I am me and I am me with pride. I will walk this journey holding the many hands of my friends. I know that with their love and support, I have nothing to be shy and embarrassed about.
I hope if you’ve taken the time to read this, that you know I’m thankful for your time – even if we’ve never met. I also hope you’ll take a moment to journal, blog or even email yourself some things you are thankful for, some people you are thankful for and some goals you’ve prevented yourself from achieving because you’ve felt silly or embarrassed. Find the strength in your gratitude and the universe will help you get it done.
Sending you all loving thankful vibes from my cell phone.
sent through digital vibrations from my cell phone.
I’m sitting at Starbucks right now, texting this from my cell phone, so please forgive me if this is littered with typos and incomplete thoughts.
Today feels good.
I woke up this morning and the first thing I did was turn on my TV and flip over my coffee table (I wasn’t taking any chances with the padded rug).
I turned on the WiiFit and began entering my information once more. Then it asked me to step on the board and I don’t remember an exhale leaving my body as the screen politely asked me to wait.
“Congratulations! You are obese!”
This will likely and hopefully count as the only time I will ever be happy to hear this! What it means is that I have lost enough weight to be able to get on my WiiFit and that all of my hard work is paying off.
The machine then told me that my weight is 326, my BMI is at 40% and my Wii age is 35! That last one made me happiest!
From there, I headed off to my Jenny Craig weigh-in. Their scale confirmed the results with 327. Exactly 20 pounds from the day I started.
Today is and has been an incredible set of goals achieved and I’m feeling that much more motivated to keep it up.
I have more to say and more goals to share and I’ll likely hop on line this afternoon to share them. In the meantime, it’s a beautiful sunny day outside. I’m going to finish my Americana and take my bike for a spin. I hope you’re doing something great for yourself today. Whether you believe it or not, you absolutely deserve it.
sent through digital vibrations from my cell phone.
So yeah, remember that full length mirror I was telling you about? I’ve actually discovered an even worse visual reminder that exposes our even worse angles: A friend’s photo of you, posted and tagged on Facebook.
They mean no harm. In fact to them, they only see the memory and the laughs they were having at the time. To them, you look exactly like you do and so the photo is just an organic snap shot of the moment. They were there in the room with you that day and had the full 360 degree view of how you looked, not just your full frontal, smile for the camera, hiding behind someone else, pose.
Using a social networking site like Facebook or Myspace, or even when you post an online personal somewhere like Match.com, you only post your best side. Your best angle that shows off your best features. Your friends however, aren’t trying to showcase you. They are posting the memory to document and look back fondly on an experience. Because of this, every so often, you are forced to see a photo of yourself that you’d prefer were removed from every mind, memory and data base on the planet. But why, I wonder?
The only person we are hiding that memory from or pretending it didn’t happen is ourselves. The people who were there with us remember the whole thing. They saw our behavior and our appearance first hand. I think we need the reminder of a bad photo to have a better sense of who we are and how we’re doing. I’m surprised at how many people remove their tag from the photos as if that makes it disappear. It doesn’t. The photo is still there on Facebook for all the world to see, it’s just a little bit harder to find.
I decided awhile ago to keep all of my tags. I think it is better that I know and keep track of what is out there instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. Seems like a new theme I’ve adopted lately. Not only am I talking about the pink elephant in the room, but judging by this latest photo found on a friend’s Facebook page, I myself AM the pink elephant in the room.
If I had seen this photo a month ago, I probably would’ve burst into tears, asked my friend who posted it to remove it and eaten food until my stomach hurt and my throat burned. Today, I look at this photo and think, “today I will continue on my diet. I will not consider straying and when it comes time for me to go to the gym, I will go quietly with no internal struggle.”
I can’t hide that photo. It’s me. And from the looks of it, I was having fun in a multi-million dollar mansion on a sunny California day in April laughing with two of my best friends. I’m making a choice to be thankful for this photo instead of humiliated, in spite of the fact that my belly looks like I will be the next Octo-mom.